I have been thinking of this day for a long time. The day I was transparent and shared what it’s like to be me.I had been thinking of this day for a long time. Probably not like you were. Although in my heart I was flattered to be accepted to speak and I was looking forward to such a unique experience, my brain was filled with self-doubt. This doubt was not about speaking - as some might believe - I’m actually quite comfortable with that. Instead my doubt was more about being there, in the large crowd of people I’ve come to know and admire. These are the people I learn from, look up to and try to emulate. Did I really want to be in their presence with the possibility that they would know that I’m an imposter - that I don’t really belong in this group? Would they see me and watch me, knowing who I was without me knowing who they were? Would they want to connect and make small talk - rather than the deep, connected conversations I have only had with them on Twitter?
5 Comments
10/27/2015 09:17:58 am
Thanks for sharing, Jessica. I have similar feelings during my "down" times, though it sounds like your anxiety is more extreme. I've also found Twitter to be a great place to "meet" people before meeting them face-to-face. For me, it makes the in-person interactions much easier.
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Mike Waiksnis
10/27/2015 10:09:48 am
Thank you for sharing your story. We all need to think of this as we prepare to work with our students and adult colleagues. Keep at it!
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Jessica Miles
10/27/2015 07:01:14 pm
Jess you are amazing. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I loved our time together at Fall CUE and know that you can always pal around with me!!
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Tom Whalen
10/27/2015 08:06:05 pm
Whoa! I thought I was the only one who felt that way! I think have always had a bit of social anxiety. It is shocking how many things we have in common! I struggle with mingling. I love public speaking, but I freak at mingling. I love Twitter, but get very nervous at functions where I'm meeting Twitter friends. I used to drink a lot to get over my fears. One day, when I meet everyone, just keep in mind that I'm not an aloof jerk with opinions. I'm an anxious jerk with opinions, and I'll loosen up as soon as I stop sweating and catch my breath! Thanks for sharing, Jessica! Very cool! By the way, I think you were one of the people I saw at Fullerton in May, but was too scared to say hi to. I did say Hi to Sabba because she was sitting next to me for 15 minutes. I said hi to Dan Bennett too, but I had already met him at Ed Camp VC. Thanks!
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4/27/2016 10:47:52 pm
The verification system does have a realistic purpose. Twitter brims with bogus or parody accounts. So when end users are sifting via an index of opportunity usernames, it can help to obtain signals to help you locate the true human being they want to observe.
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AuthorEarly adopter of all things new - therefore having a close relationship with the gift of failure.
Philosophy
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